Vegetarian Thanksgiving Alternatives

Okie Smokie Folkies...
So - now that we established in my last post that Turkey = The Dark Lord of Satanic Hell, I thought I might lighten up this most morbid blog with a few "Well what the fuck are we supposed to eat on Thanksgiving" day tips - that I found easily enough on the internet (and through my own grocery store purusal since becoming meat-free.

I think the first thing that immeidately comes to my mind when I think of meat-free alternatives for turkey, would be - the obvious: Tofurky.
It's basically a LARGE lump of tofu, tamari, and then usual garlic, rosemary, olive oil flavourings we've grown to LOVE about turkey.
You can roast it up with veggies and TA-DAH!!!
Turkey Dinner.
Ahem..I mean, Tofurky dinner.
Except...Tofurky gets some not-so-decent reviews from many people.
Personally - I have yet to taste an actual Torfurky.
I do buy the lunch meat occaisionally - mostly for convenience - it's easy to slap a few pieces of psuedo lunch meat between two pieces of bread and squirt some mustard and/or NAYonaise on it and call it "Lunch".
I don't mind the taste.
But - I've always liked the taste of tofu and soy...so perhaps I'm a bad person to ask.
What if you find Tofurky disgusting? Or even the meer THOUGHT of tofu makes you wanna gag just like you did back when your mom forced you to choke back Cream of Wheat when you were a kid?
Well....I've done some research, mainly to help out with my own family because I think my mom might be a bit stumped on what to do for Thanksgiving Din Din this year seeing that her only son has recently come out of the closet as a...vegetarian/wannabe vegan.
This is for you, mummy...
Let's start with what can be kept:
I think my two favorite things about Thanksgiving Dinner - are mashed potatoes and gravy.
Both - not vegan.
Gravy - not even vegetarian.
However, I have come to learn that you CAN still make creamy mashed potatoes with Soy milk - BUT - Rice milk will make them taste EVEN better.
ANd of course - add all the garlic you want.
And as for the gravy...
Believe it or not there are many packaged gravy's you can buy out there that have absolutely NO traces of beef, chicken or turkey fat or bi-product.
It does not taste the EXACT same - but - when poured over creamy mashed potatoes - it WILL
satisfy that craving.
As a butter alternative - use soft, melted garlic cloves instead ...after you've tasted THOSE on potatoes, you want wanna go back!!
Or - you could always cook small red potatoes - which are softer than baked potatoes and pour the faux-gravy over those..
Of course - freshly, baked yams are always a treat as well...

Stuffed butternut squash is another main course substitute for Turkey.
Roast the squash until it's almost done and then stuff it with quinoa or wild rice that's mixed with dried fruits, mustard powder and brown sugar. Then leave the stuffed squash in the oven till it browns and the sugar has melted into a glaze over the stuffing. This makes for a MEGA delicious and completely VEGAN main course - and I guarantee it will have your house smelling JUST as holiday-esque as any dead bird roasting in your oven will.


Some people I've talked to say it is best to skip the main course altogether.
That there IS NOT a good substitute for a bird - so why not just AXE the damn thing right out of the holiday tradition - PERMANENTLY and concentrate on making more savory and traditional side dishes - with a vegan twist!
For example, green bean cassarole, roasted carrots and potatoes, garlic squash, spaghetti squash (a personal favorite of mine), an autumn medly salad - with dark greens, cranberries, walnuts and a tangy sauce, or maybe a pumpkin soup or steamed spinach.
Stuffing can be made with whole wheat bread crumbs, the usual seasoning and vegetable boullion - and tastes EVERY BIT as good as regular stuffing (normally found shoved up a turkey's twat).
Barbecued corn on the cob is always a DELICIOUS TREAT - ANY time of the year - as are spicey stewed tomatoes - which also serve as a DELICOUIS gravy alternative on mashed potatoes.
And of course - the usual dill pickles, olives, raw cucumber and carrot sticks make great munchies to go along with dinner.
And - if you are stuck on having a main course - a vegetarian lasagna is ALWAYS a great alternative. Everyone love lassagna - and usually, the meat is NOT missed if it's done right.
Of course, being vegan and enjoying a lassagna do not go hand in hand all that comfortably...but - at your local Zehrs market - if you go in the health food section - I've seen VEGAN LASSAGNAs sold - so they are out there (and they are surprisingly good).
You can use a soy based cottage cheese instead of the rocotta - and it is seriously JUST AS GOOD.

Another great main course is stuffed Zucchini.
Stuff them with whole wheat bread crumbs, garlic cloves, soy margerine, your favourite combo of herbs, garlic salt, nuts, onions, maybe even some cranberry - and roast 'em up!!
One of my favourite lines about cooking was from the show Six Feet Under. "Cooking is alchemey."
It is!!! Fuck it! Stuff it with what you WANT!!!
Make it YOUR OWN!
Go nuts! Great creative! Choose what you stuff it with based on smell and colour!! You'll know when to stop! Regardless...I think these are some DAANG tastey alternatives to a traditional HOliday dinner - without even straying too far from the "Tradition" part.
I found all of these in about two seconds off the internet - and none of them have weird ingredients. They all have easy to follow directions (no harder than cooking a fucking turkey, anyway!) and you can find any and all of it at any supermarket.
And remember - when in doubt - lentils, beans, legumes and RICE are FAIL SAFE!!!

So on that tastey note...
bonne appetetite...mon vegetarians...

Dan.